Comments on: The Contradictions of Motherhood

By: Lynn

Lynn — Fri, 15 Jul 2022 21:23:49 +0000

All I can say is this is so true . Thinking back on my firstborn daughter at only 20 is hard . When she was delivered not breathing I thought about all the times I was not sure my marriage was secure enough to even have a baby . When after such a scary start she was breathing better and they let me hold her before taking her to a less modern older NICU I didn’t feel that maternal feeling I see today when they hand you your baby. That scared me half to death . Was I even going to be a good mother at all? It took a long time and with Colic, formula allergies and no help from my partner , it was very hard . My OB made a terrible mistake with his fast induction and careless use of forceps and so my very Beautiful daughter had to suffer problems her whole life . She was hard in so many ways . I dealt with it somehow and I got her the very best help I could get at the time . I cannot change the past , but there was enough love and my families support that she had a very safe and good life . There is no book how to feel about becoming a mother and raising a child . You feel your way and learn a lot too . With it all, I loved my daughter so very much . I wish I had a partner who stayed and helped be the dad she deserved, but life isn’t easy and I’m proud of the job I did alone . Loved this post Jess and especially the relationship post ! Yes , we are all a work in progress. xo

By: Lauren

Lauren — Mon, 31 Jan 2022 16:20:48 +0000

Hi Jess, long time reader, first time commenter. This post came at a very opportune moment for me. I really needed to hear someone acknowledge that they weren’t excited to be pregnant/be a mom, and that is ok. I somewhat unexpectedly became pregnant in Dec. Though kids were never something I was 100% sure I wanted (or like, even 50%…), but was soldiering forward through the nausea and exhaustion. I just entered the “advanced maternal age” bracket, so it felt lucky to have happened since I am at the biological “now or never” point. But I was devastated! So much fear and dread, I couldn’t tell anyone without bursting into tears. I cried nearly every day, until last week when I miscarried at 9 weeks. I felt terrible that I mostly felt relieved and annoyed that I went through all of that nausea for nothing. I also felt sure that we would try again. So contradictory and complicated indeed.

By: Carolyn R

Carolyn R — Thu, 27 Jan 2022 14:58:49 +0000

I love this perspective and think the world needs to see this more. As a women who would like to have children in the future but struggles with the change it will bring to life, the new friction it will bring to my identity and the stereotype of womanhood and motherhood it will place on me, I know I am not as “excited” about it as those around me. Some days I think I would be absolutely ok not having children.

Thank you for sharing a small piece of your story.

By: Marissa

Marissa — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 19:41:22 +0000

Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I find a lot of value in this type of conversation on your blog. I enjoyed my pregnancy, but have struggled a lot with motherhood. I love my daughter more than anything, but also really miss the freedom of my life before, and feel guilty admitting that because it feels like a contradiction to my love. Reading your thoughts, really helps me process and normalize these feelings. Thank you.

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:15:21 +0000

In reply to Ivelina Bobeva.

I think it’s so important to honor all journeys. I do have friends that loved being pregnant. I’ll never understand it, haha, but I am happy they had a good experience. What’s important to me is that they understand my experience wasn’t the same and they honor that too. I hope we can all do that for each other.

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:13:17 +0000

In reply to Katie Gill.

Everything you’re feeling is normal and valid. You’re going to be an amazing mom Katie!

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:11:58 +0000

In reply to Emily.

Feel you on every level Emily, including #oneanddone, haha!

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:11:15 +0000

In reply to Ashley.

Yes! That is such a great reminder Ashley. Thanks for sharing.

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:10:35 +0000

In reply to Allyson.

Thank you Allyson. Couldn’t agree more with all that you’ve said. So grateful to everyone who comes here and shares how they feel too. It’s so important and valuable and I know will help so many other feel less alone.

By: Jess

Jess — Wed, 26 Jan 2022 18:09:35 +0000

In reply to Sarah.

That sounds AMAZING Sarah. Good for you I can imagine how restorative a trip like that would be. I am working on trying to plan something like that for myself. I couldn’t agree more with everything you’ve said.